How Legitimate Is This?

How did you meet? How long have you been together? Have you seen each other in person? These questions are often asked by people once they find out you are in a long distance relationship. These questions can throw you off guard, but they are expected questions, and we must be prepared to answer these questions for anyone who asks them. Most people I talk to, have known me for a while and know Matthew and I's story so questioning the legitimacy of our relationship is a rare occasion. However, recently switching jobs and meeting new people has brought this up, and I have had friends who have run into this problem. 

Everyone's long distance relationship is different. You may have known the person for several years, met while visiting another place, or online. Truth is, love is love. But in many online relationships, you must be careful that the person you see in the profile photo, is the person you are in love with. When people ask about the legitimacy of your relationship, if there is any hesitation, it may be time to really think about your relationship and whether or not you can stand up to someone and tell them you love that person. The best answer you can give someone when asking if your long distance relationship is legitimate, is being able to explain to them how you met that person, why you love that person, and how long you have known the person. 

When meeting someone for the first time, and when my relationship comes up, which is usually in the beginning, their first reaction is "how do you know someone from Canada? Can't you find someone closer?". The answer I give them is really quite simple, and when you can tell the person just wants to know your business, the shorter the answer, the better. In my case, I always say "His name is Matthew, we met in seventh grade, and I love him because of the trials we have faced together that allowed us to grow together as a couple". All couples have their stories, and how you answer this cringing question of whether or not your relationship is legitimate is very important. Avoiding this question makes the situation worse. 

What is important to remember, is to not let anyone into your relationship who should not be there. You don't have to answer questions if you don't want, but show the person who asks, that you are in love. It's a good thing to brag about your relationship. Another issue that arises is that people often say "you just can't get someone here" or "you aren't ready for a real relationship". The fact is that a long distance relationship is a real relationship, and no one can tell you different. You can't help who you fall in love with. So whether they are five miles away or 5,000 miles away, it is a relationship. So stand up for your relationship, and if you are comfortable, tell your story! Thanks again for everyone who reads my blogs! I am always here to answer relationship questions, so feel free to email me at hannahplyons@gmail.com. Like these blogs? Check out my new blog, Calgary's Best wedding venues! 

http://turningpaigeweddings.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-wedding-pavillion-calgary.html

Topic Suggestion By: Molly Tracy

Problem Solving Together When Distance Is Between You

Everyday, the first thing I do when I wake up is thank God for Matthew, and realize that I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for him. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't tearing up while writing this blog post. As many of you may know, Matthew and I have known each other for seven years. Within those seven years, we were in school together, I then moved away, we stopped talking, we reconnected through Facebook (because honestly I would search for him everyday until I saw his name come up after he made one), began talking again, met in 2011 in Orlando for dinner, stayed in touch, spent homecoming together, he then was sent back to Scotland through no fault of his own, I visited him the Summer of 2012, we fell in love, he then moved to Canada, I now I see him every chance I can get. That is a very short rundown of the past seven years, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel as if you needed that rundown to understand our bond with each other, and everlasting love. In tonight's post, you will see photos in order throughout the years, and I will be explaining how to problem solve as a couple when you are apart. Enjoy! 

If you are close family or friends reading this tonight, you know what has happened in the past few years regarding the Ruxton family. And I'm not going into detail, as the people who know, are the ones that need to know, and I am currently writing a book that explains all of it. But throughout the past few years, although Matthew and I weren't a couple at that time, I have tried to be his rock as much as possible and be there for him through absolutely everything that was thrown in his and his family’s direction. 

I feel as if I had always loved Matthew, and people would tell me all the time, why aren't you two together, you are meant for each other. And I always denied it because I felt as if he did not like me. But that is beside the point, the above photo made me think of that because that is the night I realized how much I missed him. Throughout the past few years, there have been many occasions where problem solving was necessary. And let me tell you, when you have someone to talk to, it makes it so much easier. And I am always trying to be a better girlfriend, and a better supporter. 

Like I said, if you know Matthew's story you know why problem solving and support has been important. Through the loss of his father, immigration stuff, and the loss of his Gran, I have been there for it all and I wish back then, I was as good of a supporter as I feel I am now. But once you become a couple, everything is so different, and helping each other problem solve is important, and becomes easier the longer you have been a couple because you learn the right things to say. 

After it was Matthew's turn for all of the hard trials in life, I feel as if it is now my turn as I have suffered many trials and occasions needing problem solving in the past couple of months, and more so in the past few weeks. I pray to God every night that I hope everything is getting out of the way now so we can enjoy life together when I'm done with school. Before I move on to my trials I have been suffering, I would like to congratulate Matthew on finishing his first bachelor's degree, moving into a wonderful home, and doing great with Starbucks including becoming a barista trainer and a coffee master! I would also like to extend a big thank you to him and his support through everything that has been going on with me in the past few weeks as well as Jacqui. I have been acting crazy, and he puts up with it! He is a trooper, and one of many reasons why I love him! 

Some of you may know what has been going on in the past few weeks with me, but I will give a quick rundown. I was given the opportunity to study abroad in Calgary (where Matthew is), then I found out my credits wouldn't transfer back in. I then felt as if God was calling me to transfer to the school there, and complete their diploma program in Event Management. That also fell through, because there was no way I could take out a $24,000 loan. This alone was enough to drive my emotions through the roof. Because as a long distance couple, you want to spend every minute you can with your significant other, and then having the expectation to possibly spend seven months, then forever, then back to twice a year left me feeling completely empty inside. 

Although so much has been inconsistent in the last few months, what has been consistent is having Matthew. There have been days where I text him needing a FaceTime chat ASAP and he is always there to listen, and always has the right things to say. That is why communication is #1 in a long distance relationship, and really in any relationship. There should never be any secrets in a relationship, and your other half will be able to tell when something is wrong. That is why I have learned to be up front and honest with Matthew and let him know what is bothering me. 

You will find in your relationship, when you problem solve together, it makes your bond stronger. You and your LDR love may not have been through as much as Matthew and I, but take every little struggle as a time to be there for each other! 

Now I'm not the biggest fan of PDA, but this is a natural photo (after we got the candy canes right) of just how strong our love is. And many people ask...how did you get there? And I explain to them that problem solving together, and taking the time over a phone call or a FaceTime date to discuss what is going on can do wonders for your relationship. Matthew and I don't have a perfect relationship, and no one does. But what we do have is commitment, strength, and support. Support to take on whatever may come our way, and deal with it. Although we may feel stressed about a situation, before getting angry and lashing out on your boyfriend or girlfriend, it is important to take a step back and realize they will always be on your side, and will only help you, not hurt you.  

My best advice for problem solving in a long distance relationship is to talk over a FaceTime date. Write out your feelings on paper, and have it ready when you FaceTime so you know everything you want to say. I have just come out of a job, got a job at David's Bridal, was only getting five hours a week, then got a call from Pandora wanting to interview me. Although I love David's, I must do what is right for me in order to pay the bills. Last night, I wrote up questions I had, and discussed them with Matthew. By the end of our date, I had a clear vision as to what I wanted to do. 

So my best advice for those of you in a long distance relationship? Be there for each other! Talk to each other, communicate, discuss what is going on, and be there to problem solve and find a solution as to what is going on. This also has a positive impact when you are together, as it makes you appreciate when you must problem solve while together, you are able to bring those FaceTime dates to real life, and be there to support. And I love taking the opportunity to support, and problem solve with Matthew when I am there so I can be there to comfort him, or vice versa. I hope this post has helped all of you both in a normal relationship, and a long distance relationship. I am so thankful to each and every one of you who read these, and highly encourage you to spread the word of my blogs, and follow them. I cannot wait for the future, and to see what God has in store for our relationship in the upcoming months, and years. I am always open for suggestions for new blog post topics so PLEASE email me at hannahplyons@gmail.com and credit will be given to you and your topic. Thanks, and I love you all! 

Topic Credit: Jacqui Ruxton